Note: In November 2018 I was diagnosed with severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea.Check my most recent posts on sleep apnea.
I had a spectacularly awful day yesterday. Not only did Australia get kicked out of the world cup, but I felt headachey and awful all day. Spent most of it in bed, either asleep or attempting to sleep. Life just didn’t feel worth living yesterday, and yet I couldn’t work out any strategy for escaping it that wouldn’t cause tremendous pain for my friends and family. The best I could come up with was to exile myself somewhere until everyone had forgotten that I existed, then just kill myself. Even that wouldn’t work though, and god I’d be lonely in the meantime. And there’s a small matter of things that I’d like to achieve before I go.
Fortunately today I feel marginally better. I generally do after spending a day in bed. I feel kind of washed out, like I used to feel the day after a migraine. Don’t get them any more, thankfully. I spent most of today researching toxic mould, to see whether my home environment could be poisoning me. I had a chat with a very helpful lady from Mycologia in Australia, who seemed more interested in helping me than in taking my money. What I described didn’t sound like a mould problem to her, and she suggested I start by getting a HEPA vacuum before an expensive inspection. So I’m gonna give that a go. In the mean time, I’m gonna rest because my head is drifting into the twilight zone.
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3 Comments
Wendy · July 9, 2010 at 1:57 PM
*hugs*
Those dark days suck, sometimes it feels like you’ll never be out the other end. And when you are out the other side, you just never know when one of these nasty days will be back. CFS robs us of so much – don’t feel bad – it isn’t your fault. take joy in anything you can, every little thing.
I hope it is some comfot to know that even if those around you can’t understand, some of us have been there and know and feel for you. Keep hope, you don’t know, what tomorrow might bring. We can only play the hand we are dealt, the best we can.
*hugs*
Graham · July 11, 2010 at 10:42 AM
Thanks Wendy! I never knock back a friendly hug.
Ian · July 4, 2010 at 5:04 AM
People who haven’t suffered with CFS can not really understand what you are going through. I’ve experienced it, and thought what you are thinking. It is living hell. But there are real none crazy cures for CFS. A cavitat scan + surgery is what saved me. Good luck.