Note: In November 2018 I was diagnosed with severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea.Check my most recent posts on sleep apnea.
I pay my bills these days by working as a confidence coach/therapist via Skype. I have clients all around the world. Some of my clients have CFS and contact me via this site, while others dealing with anxiety contact me via The Confident Man Project website.
I recently wrote an article on How To Recover From Childhood Emotional Abandonment which several readers have really related to. I avoided addressing this issue for a long time out of fear, but I believe it’s the core issue behind my illness.
Whether I got sick because my nervous system was just overwhelmed with existential anxiety or whether it was because I was always pushing myself too hard to try and compensate from a deep seated feeling of “not being good enough”, I can’t really say for sure.
However I was wondering how many other people with CFS also relate to the feeling of having been emotionally abandoned as a child? Please leave a comment on the website if you do letting me know about your experiences.
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5 Comments
Elena · February 9, 2020 at 5:35 PM
I also have this deep feeling that something wrong with me. So all my life i tried to be good, best and outstanding until at the age of 48 i crushed with cfs. And even then i started to make myself perfect and the last 15 years i am learning just to be real, be myself as i am in the moment. CFS helps a lot in this direction.
Graham · February 10, 2020 at 8:40 AM
I’m wondering if your feelings weren’t validated by your parents when you were a child? That led to a lasting feeling of brokenness for me. It’s still painful. I compensated by trying to be good too, which turns out to be a recipe for emotional dysregulation. I’m glad to hear that you’re focusing on being real instead now. I hope it starts paying off in terms of CFS symptom reduction for you soon.
Elena · February 11, 2020 at 10:28 PM
My feelings were not validated and even crying and anger were completely prohibited. I remember time when realization came that i, little girl decided to not feel and do what parents want because otherwise my mother will have angry outburst, which make me panic, and father will not love me any more. From this everything went to great imbalances and dysregulation.
Michelle · July 12, 2018 at 7:24 PM
Hello Graham
I have coresponded with you before although it’s been awhile so I don’t expect you to remember me. I can totally relate to your experience. From a young age I was aware that my parents treated me ‘differently ‘ to my brothers & sister. My father clearly favoured my sister & my mother adored her boys. I often suffered with severe earaches & pain in my feet & large muscles kept me awake at night. When I complained to my father he would get angry. He told me that ‘everyone goes through that when they’re growing’. They never took me to a Doctor.
When I was 51 I had to stop working due to overwhelming fatigue. I suffer with reoccurring nightmares. My Psychiatrist believes it’s from unresolved issues from Childhood Emotional Abuse. He said that because my parents refuse to have an adult conversation about how I feel & the fact that they deny hurtful events even happened, my subconscious keeps bringing up feelings of betrayal over & over. He said that the brain needs validation that the way I was treated was not normal.
I am living on my own on Disability Support Payment so unfortunately am STILL not able to have private counseling however I highly recommend you to people because it is rare to find someone who can truly empathise because they have experienced how debilitating this issue can be & how hard it is to recover.
Warm regards, Michelle
Judy · July 14, 2018 at 12:02 AM
Hi Michelle( and Graham)
I have had cfs /me for over 12 years…I am now in my 60s.
My illness has its roots in my childhood,specifically the emotional neglect I suffered. I thought there was something wrong with me,something missing and that I fell short of other people ie I felt inferior. I have had counselling which made me realise what had happened in my life wasn’t normal and it wasn’t my fault. But I did find numerous helpful articles on utube. Have you looked at Lisa A Romano…..others I have found useful are inner integration and Danu Morrigan …. there is help available free.
It has helped my me/cfs a lot but progress is painfully slow
Anyway good luck for your recovery and remember you are not alone.
Judy
PS…. I too suffered from “growing pains” as a child.