Update on Mickel Therapy progress

It's been a while since I've posted, so I thought it was time for an update. It's a bit over two months since I started Mickel Therapy, and I feel really ambivalent about the whole thing.

On the down side, since starting Mickel I've felt more panicy, anxious and depressed than I have for some time. I feel tense in the head all the time (although that started several months before) and the feeling of constant fear sends me crazy. I also go to a depression & anxiety support group where the leader is convinced that my physical symptoms are due to anxiety; technically I shouldn't be doing any other kind of therapy while I'm doing Mickel, but I have no idea how to do that without going completely insane. I need other people to talk to about this whole thing. I have a pretty big fear of going downhill into some crazy depressed/anxious state and not ever coming out again. When I'm really anxious, the negative thoughts just go ballistic and I end up feeling really anxious just about being anxious.

On the up side, applying the third key to Mickel therapy has motivated me to get out more and have more fun. I've been going dancing again about once per week, something I used to love doing before falling ill. I don't seem to have any after-effects from the physical exertion, like I used to. I only stay for half the lesson and just focus on having fun. I used to focus on picking up women at dancing; that was always a big part of the attraction for me. Now I'm trying to focus on just dancing, enjoying the music, and the company of the women who seem to like me and enjoy dancing with me. Perhaps I should have asked for that cute girl's number; but which one? I've fallen into trouble before when I asked for the number of the best friend of another girl I'd been hanging out with a little, not realizing they were best friends...

I've also been doing a greater variety of physical activity, on the assumption that my body is bored. The main element of Mickel therapy is identifying what emotion is underlying the symptoms as they arise, and taking some action to address the emotion involved. My symptoms don't vary all that much and I struggle to apply this part of the process. I hate taking notes and it's just so fucking boring. I can't see any great correlation between the symptoms and anything I try to do to address the emotion underneath them. My bullshit detector keeps going off, telling me this is probably a load of crap, even though much of it is consistent with other things I've been learning about how the brain operates. I'm still skeptical of how a suppressed emotion could generate the feeling that I've got a cold all the time. I get angry with my Mickel therapist when he starts talking about the theory behind it, half of which sounds like something out of a new age Louise Hay book to me. Being ill for four years has certainly put me in touch with my inner cynic and I feel like giving up. Usually in the afternoon between about 2pm and 4pm, when I usually feel like a narcoleptic puppy dog desperately in need of a sleep. Apparently that's just "false tiredness" in Mickel lingo, so I try to go out and do something fun/interesting/less boring instead like ride my bicycle, play guitar, visit a friend or go to the beach. I'm really sick of this whole thing sucking my life energy out of me when what I really want is to be out doing something creative and rewarding. Not trying to get well all the goddam time!

I went to an Inner Child bootcamp two weeks ago, which was all about healing some of the emotional scars I was still carrying from childhood. It was fun at the time and I met some really compassionate people who were also working on their own stuff. I felt exhausted afterwards; I guess emotional healing is just plain tiring. Not doing it is also tiring, so what to do?

I've been feeling anxious a lot lately and that's the worst part of this whole thing. I can cope with feeling tired, but feeling anxious really bugs me. I don't feel so bad when I'm doing something creative. I seem to have the capacity to worry about just about anything. I think I might have a go at worrying about alien invasion or something else that I'm dead certain will never happen. People sometimes say that we always worry about things that never end up happening; but I remember worrying about getting CFS before falling ill, so that's like a kick in the guts.

I alternate a lot between feeling cranky/angry and feeling anxious. I think I prefer angry.

I haven't been posting much because I've been focusing on the third key of Mickel therapy, which is to meet a balance of my own needs, and that means not sitting behind a computer screen blogging all day. Instead I've been playing keyboard and guitar more, and going out more. I love playing guitar by the beach. I fantasize about some hot blonde bombshell in a skimpy bikini seeing me play guitar while walking past, thinking "Hmm... musician!" and sitting down next to me to chat. I end up back at her place learning how to untie a bikini. That sounds like a positive note to end on, and I hear my guitar calling...

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About Graham

I'm a 41 year old guy, currently recovering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
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8 Responses to Update on Mickel Therapy progress

  1. Sandy says:

    Nice post which that means not sitting behind a computer screen blogging all day. Instead I’ve been playing keyboard and guitar more, and going out more. I love playing guitar by the beach.Thanks a lot for posting.

  2. Deborah says:

    Hi guys, I thought I had CFS and was really freaking out and turned to blogs like this for answers. I am extremely lucky as it turns out I have haemochromotosis, a hereditary and very treatable blood disease. My main symptom was chronic fatigue. The reason I am posting is in the hope that maybe someone thinking they have CFS may actually like me have a very treatable problem. All I am saying is if you have chronic fatigue get your doctor to test for haemochromotosis just in case. doctors seem to be very quick to diagnose CFS without checking all other possibilities. The earlier in life you get diagnosed the less serious it is. I know I am very lucky and I wish all of you with CFS a quick and permanent recovery. Much love xxx

    • Graham says:

      Thanks for the tip-off Deborah. I'm wondering if you experienced flu-like symptoms with haemochromotosis, or was it "just" fatigue?

      • Deborah says:

        i did have some flu like symptoms. they originally told me it was after effects of glandular fever. The test for haemochromotsis is so easy, a genetic test done by taking blood. I really hope this helps. I wish you all the very best.

  3. MFD in NY says:

    Glad you're getting out but sorry the anxiety is so bad. I've been reading dr. Sarno's book (highly recommend the mindbody prescription) & taking dr schubiner's class online. It's $100 & it's at unlearnyourpain.com. I'm better than I have been in a year but have a LONG way to go. I've read 2 books on mickel. It doesn't make as much sense to me as sarno/schubiner but I won't rule anything out either. I've lost a decade of my life & I'm just 29 so I'm open to anything other people have had luck with & that strikes me as semi-logical. Hang in there. Take care buddy

  4. MFD in NY says:

    Glad you're getting out but sorry the anxiety is so bad. I've been reading dr. Sarno's book (highly recommend the mindbody prescription) & taking dr schubiner's class online. It's $100 & it's at unlearnyourpain.com. I'm better than I have been in a year but have a LONG way to go. I've read 2 books on mickel. It doesn't make as much sense to me as sarno/schubiner but I won't rule anything out either. I've lost a decade of my life & I'm just 29 so I'm open to anything other people have had luck with & that strikes me as semi-logical. Hang in there. Take care buddy :)

  5. Nia says:

    Graham,
    A bloke up here i know, a Physiist, has cured himself. He says he completely researched every bit literature on CFS all over the world. I am too tired to explain but the ANS plus other stuff is behind it all but look at it anyway as he talks about what is important like Hypoglycemia. www.cfsunravelled.com and download his book. He and I had Hypnotherapy Tme Line Therapy and I reacted so bad after the 5 th visit, been sleeping for 3 mths since .....now I am awake again but not sleeping well...all BS

    • Graham says:

      God that website pissed me off! His articles have virtually no content, and the videos rabbit on and on about the importance of understanding the cause of CFS... without ever saying what he thinks the cause is. Really made me angry. Fucking internet marketers getting into the CFS niche piss me off. Do you have any idea what he thinks the cause actually is? I don't plan on buying an ebook just to find out whether he's peddling the same old shit or not.

      Cranky as,
      Graham

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