CFS/ME

My ongoing recovery from CFS/ME.

Insights from Waking The Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter Levine

I’ve been watching some of Irene Lyon’s videos about healing the autonomic nervous system, which seems to be at the root of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Irene uses techniques based on Somatic Experiencing and has trained with Peter Levine.

I own Peter’s book Waking The Tiger: Healing Trauma, and have read it previously. At the time however, I was so anxious and desperate for a miracle cure that I didn’t really take the time to do all the exercises. Before I fork out for one of Irene’s online courses, I thought it would be worth revisiting the book… but this time taking it more slowly so my nervous system has time to titrate out the trauma; if that is, in fact, the problem.

Here are some quotes from the book that resonated with me on the second reading: (more…)

By Graham Stoney, ago

Childhood Emotional Abandonment and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

I pay my bills these days by working as a confidence coach/therapist via Skype. I have clients all around the world. Some of my clients have CFS and contact me via this site, while others dealing with anxiety contact me via The Confident Man Project website.

I recently wrote an article on How To Recover From Childhood Emotional Abandonment which several readers have really related to. I avoided addressing this issue for a long time out of fear, but I believe it’s the core issue behind my illness.

Whether I got sick because my nervous system was just overwhelmed with existential anxiety or whether it was because I was always pushing myself too hard to try and compensate from a deep seated feeling of “not being good enough”, I can’t really say for sure. (more…)

By Graham Stoney, ago

My Favourite Qi Gong Routines For Recovering From Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

For the past few months I’ve been practising Qi Gong (almost) every morning that I don’t have college. I find the gentle meditative movement helpful and appreciate the light exercise it offers. I recently saw a Facebook post where Ashok recommended it as a good adjunct to The Gupta Programme too.

I generally get up just before sunrise every day and practise down near the beach which has helped shift my sleep pattern to match the sun more closely. I’ve also been switching off lights earlier and avoiding late night TV so that I can fall asleep before 10 PM most nights. I tried a couple of times doing Qi Gong in the evening, but even with Lee Holden’s evening routine I found it hard to sleep afterwards, so I find it better done in the morning.

I find Qi Gong easier to practise than it’s brother Tai Chi, as the movement sequences are simpler. I took a Tai Chi class a couple of years ago, but the routine was long and complex and we only covered a portion of it. I tried learning Tai Chi from YouTube videos, but again it’s tricky to master.

With Qi Gong it’s easier to follow along to a YouTube video. I bought a pair of Sony Wireless Bluetooth headphones so that I can put my iPhone on the ground a couple of metres in front of me and still hear the commentary. One of the reasons I like the videos below is because of the soothing, reassuring commentaries they have.

I have often found strong emotions arising during or just after practising Qi Gong, so remember to take care of your inner child when doing this. Witness the emotions arise and let them go. If they’re particularly strong and/or persistent, find someone to talk the feelings over with.

There are heaps of Qi Gong tutorial videos on YouTube, and you can start with shorter ones and work your way up to longer routines as you feel able. There’s plenty of variety so you don’t ever get bored with the same old routine every day. Get ready to meet your new YouTube friends Lee, Jeff and Marissa!

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By Graham Stoney, ago

What I’m Up To These Days: Music & Comedy

A few years ago when I was still struggling to get out of bed, I decided that once I recovered from CFS I would become a comedian. I was experiencing constant misery and wanted to create as much joy in the future as I could. I had no idea how I was going to do stand-up comedy when I was having trouble just standing up, but it gave me a goal to work towards that would hopefully improve my health but wasn’t illness-related.

I realised that social isolation was compounding my anxiety and possibly perpetuating my illness, so I looked around for some kind of course I could do that would get me out of the house and connect me to other creative people who weren’t physically ill. I did a stand-up comedy course a couple of years ago but it only lasted a few weeks so it didn’t do much for my social isolation. I wasn’t well enough at the time to do regular comedy gigs which are normally in the evening, so I looked for something else to focus on.

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By Graham Stoney, ago

CFS Unravelled (2nd Edition) by Dan Neuffer

I first met Dan Neuffer, the author of CFS Unravelled, when he contacted me through this blog back in 2013. He told me at the time that he had made a full recovery from CFS by treating what he saw as the underlying cause of CFS: a dysfunction of the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS).

When he first contacted me he had just published the first edition of his book on Amazon Kindle and set up the cfsunravelled website to offer hope and support to help other people recover more quickly. He was a man on a mission to spread the word, freely spending hours of his own time talking to suffering people all around the world, and was clearly a very genuine guy.

At the time I was dealing with a lot of anxiety and I remember Dan asking me:

“If you knew that you would soon make a full recovery, would you still be feeling so anxious?”

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By Graham Stoney, ago

What Would I Recommend?

Just got this question via E-mail from a woman who has had ME since 1986 and thought I’d share my answer with you all:

Knowing how hard it is to be disciplined when one is exhausted, would you recommend Gupta, Dynamic NRS or something else?

My short answer is to focus your energy on getting the life that you want, rather than on recovery from ME per-se. That said: (more…)

By Graham Stoney, ago

Using Music To Express Anger and Rage

Since the beginning of the year I’ve been studying Music Performance at a local tertiary college, and the experience has made me more convinced than ever that social isolation and repressed anger are, at the very least, perpetuating factors in Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Dragging myself to college every day when I don’t feel great has been a challenge, and it’s been a constant balancing act between participating in class when I have the energy and resting when I need a recharge. The interactions with other students have also brought a lot of my unresolved adolescent insecurities to the surface: in some ways, going to college is like going back to high school. My fears about whether I would fit in brought up a lot of anxiety for me, coupled with a very strong desire to try hard to make other students like me. I often had to take a deep breath and remind myself to focus on what I was learning and just have fun participating instead.

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By Graham Stoney, ago

Headaches: Overdoing It, Anger/Anxiety and Adrenaline Withdrawl

One of my most distressing symptoms of CFS for me is the tension headache that never really goes away. Another friend recovering from CFS recently mentioned her similar headache, and since I’ve got one right now and I’m in a bad mood, I feel like complaining a bit about it.

Back when I was a computer engineer, I used to get regular migraine-intensity headaches about once a month or so. I would spend hours every day engrossed in a computer screen and often felt a headache coming on in the afternoon. I was so obsessed with my work that I would just push through until the pain was so debilitating that I would need strong painkillers with codeine just to get through the day. Once I got to sleep I would be OK the next day, but if the pain was too intense to get to sleep, it would often escalate until the pain was so excruciating that I would be nauseous and vomit. Vomiting with a migraine was a horrible experience but would usually give me some relief, and then eventually I’d fall asleep.

The next day, I’d feel really groggy but the pain would mostly be gone and I’d be back to work. The day after that it felt like nothing had happened and I’d be back to go go go mode. Then a few weeks later I’d do it all again.

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By Graham Stoney, ago