This is my Negative Thought Diary about CFS and its symptoms, as recommended in Sessions 1 and 4 of the Recovery Programme:

Anticipation of Symptoms

  • I can’t do what I want to do because I’m exhausted all the time
  • I want to go dancing, but it will make me feel really ill again.
  • I’d take up Brazilian Jiu Jitsu to handle the tension, but I don’t think I could handle it physically.

Attention on Symptoms

  • God, I feel tired.
  • My head feels all stuffy
  • My nose is always running; I keep having to clear it
  • I feel like I have a cold
  • I’m too tired to finish the book I was writing. I can’t write humour when I’m so exhausted anyway.
  • Sneezing just reminds me that I’m sick all the time

Body Scanning

  • I wish I could make this tense feeling go away
  • I feel tight in the chest. I don’t like it.

Will I ever get better?

  • What if the Gupta programme doesn’t work for me? What if I give up too early?
  • My attempts to overcome my anxiety with women might just stress me out and keep me feeling ill.
  • I promised my friend I’d try the homeopathic remedies he suggested, but I don’t think they’ll make any difference.

Frustration and Anger at Being Ill

  • God, it’s annoying being sick all the time.
  • This Deep Breathing business is hard work. Why should I have to do this anyway?
  • I’m a bad person for not wanting to work hard at getting well.
  • I’m just tired of the whole thing.

Nobody Understands Me

  • I’m desperate for people to understand me
  • I felt angry when my father laughed at me asking for a long-lost-friend’s number because he used to suffer from Chronic Fatigue.
  • I wish my family understood what I’m going through and showed more interest/concern
  • What woman would want to date me when I can’t do anything active?
  • People will think I’m crazy if they hear me shouting “Stop Stop Stop”

Dietary Worries

  • I’m out of food… I need to shop!
  • Maybe I just haven’t worked out what I’m “allergic” to yet.

Sleep Worries

  • I wish I could get to sleep, but my mind keeps racing with stuff I’m excited about.
  • I want an interesting, exciting life… but I can’t get to sleep when stuff is going on.

Feelings About The Recovery Programme

  • This programme is boring. I hate being bored. I doubt I’ll follow through with it.
  • This STOP-STOP-STOP shit isn’t going to work
  • This is just more New Age bullshit. It won’t work for me.
  • Ashok Gupta is a …