This is my Negative Thought Diary about CFS and its symptoms, as recommended in Sessions 1 and 4 of the Recovery Programme:
Anticipation of Symptoms
- I can't do what I want to do because I'm exhausted all the time
- I want to go dancing, but it will make me feel really ill again.
- I'd take up Brazilian Jiu Jitsu to handle the tension, but I don't think I could handle it physically.
Attention on Symptoms
- God, I feel tired.
- My head feels all stuffy
- My nose is always running; I keep having to clear it
- I feel like I have a cold
- I'm too tired to finish the book I was writing. I can't write humour when I'm so exhausted anyway.
- Sneezing just reminds me that I'm sick all the time
- I wish I could make this tense feeling go away
- I feel tight in the chest. I don't like it.
Will I ever get better?
- What if the Gupta programme doesn't work for me? What if I give up too early?
- My attempts to overcome my anxiety with women might just stress me out and keep me feeling ill.
- I promised my friend I'd try the homeopathic remedies he suggested, but I don't think they'll make any difference.
Frustration and Anger at Being Ill
- God, it's annoying being sick all the time.
- This Deep Breathing business is hard work. Why should I have to do this anyway?
- I'm a bad person for not wanting to work hard at getting well.
- I'm just tired of the whole thing.
Nobody Understands Me
- I'm desperate for people to understand me
- I felt angry when my father laughed at me asking for a long-lost-friend's number because he used to suffer from Chronic Fatigue.
- I wish my family understood what I'm going through and showed more interest/concern
- What woman would want to date me when I can't do anything active?
- People will think I'm crazy if they hear me shouting “Stop Stop Stop”
- I'm out of food... I need to shop!
- Maybe I just haven't worked out what I'm "allergic" to yet.
- I wish I could get to sleep, but my mind keeps racing with stuff I'm excited about.
- I want an interesting, exciting life... but I can't get to sleep when stuff is going on.
Feelings About The Recovery Programme
- This programme is boring. I hate being bored. I doubt I'll follow through with it.
- This STOP-STOP-STOP shit isn't going to work
- This is just more New Age bullshit. It won't work for me.
- Ashok Gupta is a ...