2015 is turning out to be the year of completions for me. I went to my 30 year high school reunion on Saturday night. My experience of other boys at high school was challenging for me and on the way to the reunion I felt a bit triggered and reached out for support to a friend who had been tormented at her school by bullies.
The very first guy who spoke to me was one of the guys I remember bullying me in high school: He bought me a drink and we had a fun conversation.
Later on I was flirting with a girl from our sister school, and she goes “You’re really cool. Where were you in high school?” I thought: “I just wasn’t myself back then; I never felt safe to just be me”.
Then later another guy said “I told one of the other guys a few days ago that I’m going to apologise to Graham Stoney at the reunion for laying shit on him at school.” He was clearly embarrassed about it. We’d both been carrying that for 30 years. I said I was open to hearing his apology, and he said he was really sorry. I felt that he meant it too, and was getting complete himself. We shook hands and I thanked him. Then he told me that he had hated school and wasn’t dealing with things, and we talked about how isolated we all had felt and how nobody was really coping. But as boys we all just had to suck it up, pretend we weren’t hurting and fend for ourselves by beating up on the smaller kids, just like the bigger kids beat up on us.
One of my last conversations was a bit unnerving, with a guy who said I had ignored him at school, and that he didn’t mind putting shit on people weaker than him. He still had that bully energy and I didn’t hang around him long.
A lot of the guys remarked that I’m now taller than them, and I had grown. They hadn’t mentioned that at the 20 year reunion and I doubt I’ve grown much physically since then; but I have grown a lot spiritually/psychologically.
I came home thinking that completes the chapter of my life about being bullied at high school and the story that other men aren’t safe for me to be around and aren’t interested in connecting with me.