I Continue To Recover… Gradually

It’s been quite a while since I last posted here, as my continued recovery means I have more time and energy to engage in the life that I want, and less desire to talk about how hard recovering from CFS can be. But I get occasional emails from people who have been following this blog asking how I’m doing, so I thought it was time for an update.

My physical symptoms now resemble a fairly mild cold, and the occasional cough. I no longer push myself into stressful situations that make the cough worse, so it doesn’t bug me so much. I still feel a weird sort of tiredness with a background sense of anxiety that varies from mild to moderate. It’s kind of like the tiredness and the anxiety are playing some kind of dance. It might feel like I need a lie down, but going for a leisurely walk along the beach can work just as well. Other times, I really need the lie down and so I take it.

The other weird symptom I have is a tense feeling in my head, which moves around. Right now it’s in my upper jaw and temples. It’s not exactly painful; sometimes it’s just unpleasant, and other times I can be so engrossed in something I’m doing that I don’t notice it. Perhaps it’s boredom and truly disappears when I’m thoughtfully and physically engaged in some task. It seems to get stronger when I’m feeling angry, and turns into a debilitating headache when I’ve been overdoing things… which I take pains now not to do.

Continue reading “I Continue To Recover… Gradually”

3 Month Update

Well it’s 3 months since I started the Gupta programme, so I thought I’d give you all an update on where my symptoms are at.

I don’t feel radically different, but I don’t seem to have the lows that I used to. I’m not feeling so desperate about being ill, or about getting better. I still feel like I have a mild cold, but it’s a mild cold that doesn’t bother me quite so much. I’m not as jittery as I used to be; I don’t drop or spill things so often. I still feel a little tense, but not so much as before. I’m more relaxed. Well, with all that meditation, I’d wanna be!

I haven’t had a headache in a few weeks, and it’s been a long time since I got out of bed, walked to the kitchen and felt like I’d been run over by a truck. So I’m getting there, slowly. I’m getting used to not filling my days with planned activities, and feeling OK about that. I feel a little anxious about where I’ll be at when 6 months rolls around. Almost all my plans for the future are contingent on getting my health back to 100%, and I’d love the nasal drip thing and the cough it causes to go away. If you met me on a good day, you’d have no idea there was anything wrong with me, and I’m hesitant to tell people what’s up until I get to know them a bit. I now consider myself “recovering from CFS” rather than “suffering from CFS”.

I haven’t been doing my Stop-Stop-Stop so much lately, but I’ve just watched Session 5 again and I want to get back on top of that. I listen to the meditation CD with Soften and Flow, and the Positive Visualisation exercise at least once a day. I’m constantly reminding myself not to take on anything new that isn’t directly related to improving my health.

I went out last night to check out venues in the city, as pre-work for one of those dating workshops where they teach you how to approach women in bars and clubs. I have a lot of female friends, and am pretty good at getting along with women, but my fear of approaching and interacting with the women I’m actually attracted to has always held me back so I’ve decided it’s time to get over it and learn the art of pick-up.

I’m mostly taking the Easter weekend easy, but I have a lunch date today with a girl I’ve met on an Internet dating site. She seems really keen, and we seem to have a lot in common. She’s very active, so it’ll be interesting to see how I keep up with her. We’re off to the art gallery this afternoon, and who knows what this evening…