Headaches and EMDR

Headaches

One of the most distressing symptoms of CFS for me has been the headaches. While I’m continuing to recover, I still feel more anxious than I’d like, I feel like I have a mild cold all the time… and I get debilitating headaches.

Oddly enough, playing Pokemon GO every day hasn’t cured the headaches. Who’d have thought. I guess they never promised that in their terms & conditions that I clicked “agree” on without reading.

Back when I worked as a Computer Engineer and spent 8 solid hours every day staring at a screen and push push pushing myself towards the next vitally important deadline, I used to get severe migraine/tension headaches. I would either wake up with them and be wiped out for an entire day, or one would come on during the day and I’d just keep working until the pain got so bad that I had to go to bed, take Panadeine (paracetamol/acetaminophen and codeine) and lie there in agony until I could get to sleep. I knew once I got to sleep, the pain would be gone when I woke up; getting to sleep with my head in agony was the problem.

When the pain was really bad, I’d end up vomiting. I tried taking anti-migraine medication and going to a physiotherapist, but when I didn’t have a bad headache I felt absolutely fine; so I’d go back to push push pushing myself to breaking point again.

Eventually after I burned out at that career, I stopped sitting in front of a computer in a state of tension every day, and the headaches went away. I was incredibly relieved and finally kicked my codeine habit.

Then when I came down with CFS, the headaches came back.

After a recent particularly torturous sleepless night in agony, I decided I’d had enough and headed to my local doctor for some medication. I told him my sob story about CFS, and he organised yet another round of the usual blood tests. I talked about feeling anxious, depressed and the weird tension symptoms I feel in my face, head and neck, which he said sounded like neuralgia. He gave me a sample box of Prestique to try, which is an antidepressant that is supposed to help CFS sufferers recover some of our energy.

Having got this far through CFS without resorting to antidepressants (except for a very brief week or so where I started taking a low dose of something I’ve now forgotten, and then quit out of fear of the side-effects), it didn’t seem to make sense to start pumping chemicals into my brain now that I’m getting better. Continue reading “Headaches and EMDR”

3 Month Update

Well it’s 3 months since I started the Gupta programme, so I thought I’d give you all an update on where my symptoms are at.

I don’t feel radically different, but I don’t seem to have the lows that I used to. I’m not feeling so desperate about being ill, or about getting better. I still feel like I have a mild cold, but it’s a mild cold that doesn’t bother me quite so much. I’m not as jittery as I used to be; I don’t drop or spill things so often. I still feel a little tense, but not so much as before. I’m more relaxed. Well, with all that meditation, I’d wanna be!

I haven’t had a headache in a few weeks, and it’s been a long time since I got out of bed, walked to the kitchen and felt like I’d been run over by a truck. So I’m getting there, slowly. I’m getting used to not filling my days with planned activities, and feeling OK about that. I feel a little anxious about where I’ll be at when 6 months rolls around. Almost all my plans for the future are contingent on getting my health back to 100%, and I’d love the nasal drip thing and the cough it causes to go away. If you met me on a good day, you’d have no idea there was anything wrong with me, and I’m hesitant to tell people what’s up until I get to know them a bit. I now consider myself “recovering from CFS” rather than “suffering from CFS”.

I haven’t been doing my Stop-Stop-Stop so much lately, but I’ve just watched Session 5 again and I want to get back on top of that. I listen to the meditation CD with Soften and Flow, and the Positive Visualisation exercise at least once a day. I’m constantly reminding myself not to take on anything new that isn’t directly related to improving my health.

I went out last night to check out venues in the city, as pre-work for one of those dating workshops where they teach you how to approach women in bars and clubs. I have a lot of female friends, and am pretty good at getting along with women, but my fear of approaching and interacting with the women I’m actually attracted to has always held me back so I’ve decided it’s time to get over it and learn the art of pick-up.

I’m mostly taking the Easter weekend easy, but I have a lunch date today with a girl I’ve met on an Internet dating site. She seems really keen, and we seem to have a lot in common. She’s very active, so it’ll be interesting to see how I keep up with her. We’re off to the art gallery this afternoon, and who knows what this evening…