Guided Self-Compassion and Asking For Support Meditation

Here is a free guided self-compassion meditation recorded with the permission of one of my clients during a recent Skype session. It is based on the mindful self-compassion practise I learned from Self-Compassion Teacher Dr. Kristin Neff.

It also covers sensitivity to noise, reaching out to other people for support, asking for help in getting our needs met and being open to receiving help and support; which are things thing I found difficult when I was most ill and notice that many of my clients also find challenging.

The meditation goes for 33minutes 45seconds.

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My Top Ten Songs For CFS

Music is a big part of my life nowadays. Shortly after I fell ill, I decided to start learning to play guitar. I thought it would be a great way to connect with healthy people without taking up too much energy, and it was. Rather than sitting around complaining about how I felt, I spent a lot of time learning the hand shapes, getting the hang of strumming and hanging out with other musically minded people.

It turned out that I had quite a bit of spare time available to practise while recovering. I also learned to play drums, and now I do volunteer work for a charity that provides music and yoga to disadvantaged people. Playing music with people whose lives are more challenging than mine reminds me to be grateful for the health I have.

So here are my Top Ten Songs for CFS:
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Taking Up Yoga

While the EMDR I recently started seems to be working, the sensations in my head and neck feel physical rather than just emotional; so I want to get more physical about it.

When I first came down with CFS in 2008, I had been going to the local gym and doing strenuous workouts (well, strenuous to me, given that I was a relatively new gym-goer) three times per week. I knew something was wrong when the cold-that-just-wouldn’t-go-away hit and I passed out during a personal training session. I went downhill fast, quit my gym membership and tried a casual Yoga class at the studio next door to the gym instead. I couldn’t make it though the yoga class either. That’s when I really knew I was really screwed.

Since that unpleasant experience, I’ve only done Yoga only occasionally. I’ve been resisting committing to it partly because of that bad experience, partly because I don’t really want to do the work, partly because it’ll cost money, and partly because I’m really inflexible and find yoga uncomfortable.

The fact that I’m really inflexible is an excellent reason to do Yoga though, not to avoid it.

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Headaches and EMDR

Headaches

One of the most distressing symptoms of CFS for me has been the headaches. While I’m continuing to recover, I still feel more anxious than I’d like, I feel like I have a mild cold all the time… and I get debilitating headaches.

Oddly enough, playing Pokemon GO every day hasn’t cured the headaches. Who’d have thought. I guess they never promised that in their terms & conditions that I clicked “agree” on without reading.

Back when I worked as a Computer Engineer and spent 8 solid hours every day staring at a screen and push push pushing myself towards the next vitally important deadline, I used to get severe migraine/tension headaches. I would either wake up with them and be wiped out for an entire day, or one would come on during the day and I’d just keep working until the pain got so bad that I had to go to bed, take Panadeine (paracetamol/acetaminophen and codeine) and lie there in agony until I could get to sleep. I knew once I got to sleep, the pain would be gone when I woke up; getting to sleep with my head in agony was the problem.

When the pain was really bad, I’d end up vomiting. I tried taking anti-migraine medication and going to a physiotherapist, but when I didn’t have a bad headache I felt absolutely fine; so I’d go back to push push pushing myself to breaking point again.

Eventually after I burned out at that career, I stopped sitting in front of a computer in a state of tension every day, and the headaches went away. I was incredibly relieved and finally kicked my codeine habit.

Then when I came down with CFS, the headaches came back.

After a recent particularly torturous sleepless night in agony, I decided I’d had enough and headed to my local doctor for some medication. I told him my sob story about CFS, and he organised yet another round of the usual blood tests. I talked about feeling anxious, depressed and the weird tension symptoms I feel in my face, head and neck, which he said sounded like neuralgia. He gave me a sample box of Prestique to try, which is an antidepressant that is supposed to help CFS sufferers recover some of our energy.

Having got this far through CFS without resorting to antidepressants (except for a very brief week or so where I started taking a low dose of something I’ve now forgotten, and then quit out of fear of the side-effects), it didn’t seem to make sense to start pumping chemicals into my brain now that I’m getting better. Continue reading “Headaches and EMDR”

The Pokemon GO Approach To Graded Exercise

I’ve been wary of graded exercise ever since the doctor who diagnosed me with CFS told me that “exercise is very important in CFS”. I was thinking “I’ve struggled to even drag myself to your office, and you’re telling me to exercise?!?”

However, there’s definitely something to be said for movement. The flu-like symptoms of CFS strongly suggest some kind of chronic infection, and the lymphatic system which is a vital part of our immune system relies on the movement of skeletal muscles to pump lymphatic fluid around since it lacks the heart-like pump that our circulatory system has. That means movement is good for our immune systems.

On the other hand, if the theories about CFS involving the amygdalae (the emotional centres of our brain) are correct, then it’s probably not just important to move: it might also be important to feel good while doing it.

Aside from the obvious problem of Post Exertional Malaise, there’s the fact that a lot of rehabilitation type and conventional exercise is really boring. I hated running for instance, even when I was 100% well. There’s generally not a lot to engage your brain in and distract yourself from the anxiety associated with CFS.

Until the recent arrival of Pokemon GO, that is. Obviously this only works if you’re already reasonably functional, and willing to take breaks so you don’t overdo it walking all over the neighbourhood. But this game is seriously addictive, motivates movement, gives you a focus other than being sick & getting better, and is mentally engaging since you have to keep stopping to visit Pokestops, catch Pokemon and engage in gym battles. Plus it’ll run your iPhone battery flat long before you exhaust your supply of ATP.