Less shaky in my body, more tense in my head

I’ve been loosely following the diet in Adrenal Fatigue by Dr James Wilson for a few months now and I notice that my symptoms have changed a little lately. I seem to be feeling less shaky in my body and my arms feel calmer. In fact it feels a bit weird; I think I’ve been so used to the “wired” feeling that goes along with CFS that now when my arms are at rest, they just feel oddly dead. But not in a bad way. I’m hoping this is consistent with my adrenal system switching off being on overdrive all the time, and now I might start to feel a little better. So far the other main symptom is that my head feels like it’s cased in lead a lot of the time, or like I’m wearing a beanie that’s a few sizes too small. It’s a tiny bit unpleasant, but not anything as bad as the debilitating headaches I had previously been getting.

I’ve also finally decided to drop a lot of the fun stuff I was doing that was causing me more stress. I can see that I habitually do too much stuff, and while it was all great stuff to do, I was just feeling overwhelmed a lot of the time. I’ve decided to quit Toastmasters and put my plans to become a comedian on hold. I feel like I’m giving up my dreams, but it’s necessary if I’m going to have a life that feels worth actually living. Meanwhile I’m going to keep writing in the mornings when I feel fairly motivated, and take the afternoons off to meditate and play guitar. I think this should be sustainable.

For the last few months I’ve also been going to group therapy sessions three times a week. The facilitator gets us to focus on expressing how we feel, and everyone in the group triggers everyone else so the process flows along nicely. It’s all about getting out of my head and into my feelings. I think this is contributing to me feeling less anxious, plus I’ve taken the opportunity to express a few emotions that I felt were inappropriate like lust and anger; I always know I’m making progress when my heart is racing and my head is thinking “What will they think?”. That’s my cue to share what’s really going on. Some other friends tell me I’m really brave for doing this, but for me it’s just what I need to do to heal some of the internal shame that keeps me feeling anxious, overwhelmed and burned out.

I have also been doing a little research into Mickel Reverse therapy, which is based on a similar premise to the Gupta programme that the body gets stuck in fight-or-flight mode, but the focus is on the hypothalamus instead of the amygdala. The idea is to identify the emotions underneath physical symptoms and learn to deal with the emotion so the symptom goes away. I suspect that dealing more directly with emotions would make Mickel therapy more powerful than Gupta. But it also sounds very similar to what I’m doing in the therapy group, so I’m wondering whether it’s worth splashing out the $1300 it would cost for a series of Mickel sessions. I have a hunch they’re going to teach me to do things I’m already doing; but maybe it’d be more efficient and I’d get better faster. If that’s the case, it’s probably worth it. Meanwhile my cash is running low and my online business is taking off much slower that I’d like, so financial stress causes me more anxiety than I’d like. Hopefully a zillion guys will hit my website soon and I’ll start earning consistently… but who knows.

I’ve also added Vitamin B12 supplements to my diet, since it’s meant to be good for the nervous system. Aside from that I don’t take any exotic supplements: just a multi-vitamin and some Vitamin C each day. Can’t say I’ve ever felt any real effect from any vitamin supplements but the B12 may be working to make my body less jittery. Here’s hoping.

Meanwhile I’ve been applying my no-rush rule more consistently the last few days, and taking more time out to just relax and enjoy life. I was running around from one healing workshop/coaching session to another lately and it was giving me headaches. People kept telling me that slowing down is the answer and I think I’m finally starting to listen.